The Night I Watched Half an Episode of Seth Meyers and Then Stopped Because I Felt Tired

Gracefully Eating A Pint of Cherry Garcia

Unleaded/Leaded

The Newspaper Is Lighter Than It Used To Be

Pitchfork Gave The War On Drugs Record An 8.8? OK

David And Megan Are Having Problems

Franklin Took Off His Belt And Began Breathing Heavily

It's A Red Lobster Summer And You're Invited To Our Sizzling Snow Crab Siesta

That Mountain Goats Record About Professional Wrestling

Someone Is Stealing The Arts and Entertainment Section from Our Sunday Paper

Oh My Rockness Has My Nashville Dates Listed Incorrectly

How Many Dominicans Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?

I Got Some Shit On My Face

I Upgraded My Computer To Windows 10 And Everything Feels The Same

Florence, Did You Think They Are Skimping On The Times At The Plant Or Is Someone Is Ransacking Our Paper?

This Is A Good Price For A Flight

Carol Did An Open Mic And Wrote A Blog Post About The State of Comedy in 2015

1986 Feels Like A Credible Year For Some Reason

I Tweeted Something Racy and Lost My Mesa Boogie Sponsorship

My Dad Had A Mustache, You Have An Ironic Mustache

Smoking Cigarettes Is A Terrible Decision But I Trust The Wisdom of Someone Who Smokes

Song For Sponsored Content

Song For David

Song For Megan

Song For David and Megan To Work Their Stuff Out

Do People Like Peavey Amps?

For Some Reason I Always Confuse Tig Nataro and Bam Margera

Only Teenagers Wear Ankle Socks

I've Never Met A Donald

Rick Worked In A Pep Boys For A Year Before Transferring To Another Pep Boys Closer To His Home

I Love The Style Of A Woman's Bike And I Wished It Conformed To My Body

I Know A Lot About Bees

The Skateboard Term “Mongo” Is Offensive

In Middle School I Wore My Stepfather's Zubaz Pants

I Found The Arts And Entertainment Section But It Was In The Toilet For Some Reason