Lesser Known Bass Guitar Techniques

Slapping – slapping your drummer in the face and then using your right thumb to play “Higher Ground” at half-speed

Popping – grabbing each string and ripping them off the bass, one by one

Poppying – popping while high on opiates; gives a spacey, strung out sound

Tuning – adjusting the tuning pegs of your bass; gives a signature “sounds like Smoke On The Water but a half-step flat” sound

Whisping – gently grazing your fingertips over the strings, like you're petting a very finicky cat

Mumping – placing the bass between your legs and aggressively stroking the neck, useful in styles where proving one's masculinity is more important than holding the pocket

Doloping – cupping the bridge of the bass with your picking hand, commonly seen in white power rock, hatecore, and racist jazz

Oogling – eying a nicer bass than yours in a Guitar Center catalog

Amping – lifting your 8x10 Ampeg stack above your head like a strong man

Q-ing – cutting the highs and then boosting the highs and cutting the lows between every note; gives that “I'm a child in my mom's Taurus pretending to be a DJ” sound

Clinking – making a “clink, clink” sound with your mouth instead of playing; useful when you want that classic “clink, clink” sound

Swating – calling a SWAT team on a bass player that threatens your personal success

Nugging – quitting bass to play power forward for the Denver Nuggets

Lizing – playing like Liz, this woman I knew in college who was a very good bass player. Liz where are you I hope you are well

Jaying – installing brand new J style pickups

Peeing – installing brand new P style pickups

P/J-ing – installing brand new P/J style pickups

Pickuping – picking up a man or woman to have sex with you, using a variety of harmonics and finger tapping

Bunting – holding the bass horizontal so the baseball lightly grazes the bass; useful in situations where you're trying to move a runner into scoring position

Trumping – blowing into the neck of your bass and hoping for the best

Trumpeting – blowing into the neck of your bass fully confident it will succeed

Tumpeting – frequent mistype of Trumpeting