INT. GYMNASIUM - NIGHT

STUDENT ATHLETE stands in the middle of a dramatically lit basketball court with a basketball under one arm. He looks to camera and smiles.

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STUDENT ATLETE flexes both of his biceps. He looks to camera and smiles.

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STUDENT ATHLETE shoots a three-pointer on a dramatically lit hoop. Before the ball goes in, he turns, looks to camera, and smiles.

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STUDENT ATHLETE, stone faced, unblinking, stares down the barrel of the camera.

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STUDENT ATHLETE spins a basketball on his finger. He looks to camera and laughs.

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STUDENT ATHLETE

I am [NAME OF SCHOOL]. I bleed [SCHOOL COLORS].

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STUDENT ATHLETE looks longingly at championship trophy.

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STUDENT ATHLETE chugs a COKE ZERO, Official Sponsor of the NCAA.

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STUDENT ATHLETE slams a basketball in his hands. Upon impact, the basketball disintegrate into dust. He blows the dust into the air, turns to camera and smiles.

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SIX WOMEN lie on their backs in a row on the court in front of STUDENT ATHLETE. A ball in each hand, STUDENT ATHLETE performs complicated dribbling maneuvers in the space between the women's heads. He looks to camera and smiles. SIX WOMEN look to camera and smile.

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STUDENT ATHLETE, stone faced, unblinking, makes "gun hands" to camera.

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STUDENT ATHLETE spins a ball on his finger. Next to him, a TRAINED SEAL dressed in a matching jersey, spins a ball on its nose. STUDENT ATHLETE turns to camera and laughs.

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STUDENT ATHLETE

I am [NAME OF SCHOOL]. I bleed [SCHOOL COLORS].

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STUDENT ATHLETE cradles trophy in his arms like a baby. He gently kisses the trophy on whatever he thinks its forehead might be.

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STUDENT ATHLETE pours a COKE ZERO, Official Sponsor of the NCAA, over his own head.

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STUDENT ATHLETE two-hand dunks a ball so hard that the rim snaps off in his hand. The glass in the backboard shatters and rains down onto the court. The entire hoop topples over and crashes into the lighting set up, starting a small electrical fire. A MAN is trapped under the weight of the hoop. Chaos breaks loose. STUDENT ATHLETE turns to camera and smiles.

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Lit only by the still raging electrical fire, SIX WOMEN stand against a gymnasium wall, each with a basketball balanced atop their heads. A blindfolded STUDENT ATHLETE raises a revolver and fires six shots, hitting all six balls. STUDENT ATHLETE raises his blindfold, turns to camera, and smiles. SIX WOMEN crumple to the floor and sob with relief.

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STUDENT ATHLETE, stone faced, unblinking, points a revolver to camera.

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STUDENT ATHLETE and TRAINED SEAL WEARING A BASKETBALL JERSEY both balance a herring on their noses. STUDENT ATHLETE slips and loses his fish. TRAINED SEAL WEARING A BASKETBALL JERSEY flips his fish into the air and catches it in his mouth.

STUDENT ATHLETE

Get this guy a scholarship!

STUDENT ATHLETE and TRAINED SEAL WEARING A BASKETBALL JERSEY turn to camera and laugh.

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STUDENT ATHLETE

I am [NAME OF SCHOOL].

STUDENT ATHLETE picks a shard of glass from the backboard up off of the court and plunges it into arm.

STUDENT ATHLETE CONT.

I bleed [SCHOOL COLORS].

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STUDENT ATHLETE tries to comfort the trophy cradled in his arms while MAN TRAPPED BENEATH BASKETBALL HOOP's screams of pain echo off the gym walls. STUDENT ATHLETE lifts his jersey in an attempt to breastfeed the trophy. The trophy takes.

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A giant bottle of COKE ZERO, Official Sponsor of the NCAA, cradles STUDENT ATHLETE in its arms. COKE ZERO offers STUDENT ATHLETE its teat. STUDENT ATHLETE takes.

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A team of EMTS attend to MAN TRAPPED BENEATH BASKETBALL HOOP while FIREMEN attempt to use the Jaws of Life to free him from his prison of mangled steel. STUDENT ATHLETE tosses the rescuers aside like rag dolls. He lifts the hoop off the man, sets the man's broken bones, and presses so hard on the man's wounds with his bare hands that the man's flesh becomes whole again. STUDENT ATHLETE raises his head and screams at the heavens, as if issuing a wordless challenge to God Himself, then turns to camera and smiles.

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STUDENT ATHLETE sits at a round table with SIX WOMEN. He places a single round into his revolver, spins the chamber, and hands the gun to the WOMAN on his left. WOMAN raises the gun to her head, and pulls the trigger. Click. STUDENT ATHLETE turns to camera and smiles. SIX WOMEN crumple to the floor, sobbing with relief.

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STUDENT ATHLETE stands against a wall, balancing a herring on his head. A blindfolded TRAINED SEAL WEARING A BASKETBALL JERSEY holds a revolver between its flippers. SEAL fires, hitting STUDENT ATHLETE in the stomach. SEAL turns to camera and laughs.

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STUDENT ATHLETE is in a Mexican Standoff with OPPOSING TEAM'S MASCOT and a giant bottle of COKE ZERO, Official Sponsor of the NCAA.

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STUDENT ATHLETE

I am COKE ZERO, OFFICIAL SPONSOR OF THE NCAA.

STUDENT ATHLETE plunges an open bottle of Coke Zero, Official Sponsor of the NCAA, into the gunshot wound in his stomach.

STUDENT ATHLETE CONT.

I bleed COKE ZERO, OFFICIAL SPONSOR OF THE NCAA.