We are seeking candidates to write rap skits for the new RZA album, tentatively titled “RZA Takes Manhattan.” The job will start in early September deep in the heart of Shaolin and run for 8 weeks. Non-WGA and non-Wu-Tang Clan.

The album is a celebration of the legendary rapper and producer RZA, seeing him explore new territory as well as revisit and re-imagine the sound that brought him to prominence. It will also have incredibly hilarious skits.

A submission consists of:

3-5 Topical Skits

RZA is looking to produce several skits that offer a degree of social commentary. These don't have to be political, but they should speak to a current news item. Please be more specific than the provided examples. Spend a couple sentences describing the skit – beyond the initial premise, what are some potential beats, what track will this segue into, etc.

Some examples:

RZA announces his candidacy for President, only to have Donald Trump interrupt and talk about how all the hood rats he knows are voting for Bernie Sanders.

RZA runs into the Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras at the Staten Island Mall.

RZA vaccinates Jim Carry's kid, who, upon vaccination, quotes famous “The Mask” and “Ace Ventura” lines.

1-2 Bobby Digital Skits

We're also looking for skits featuring RZA's superhero alter ego, Bobby Digital. Please send pitches that are in the Bobby Digital “voice”.

Some examples:

Bobby Digital meeting with Mayor Bill de Blasio in the style of Batman and Commissioner Gordon. The mayor begs Bobby to fuck less bitches, but Bobby refuses.

Nick Fury chews out the Avengers and brings in a superhero who aint nothin to fuck with AKA Bobby Digital.

3-5 Desk Skits

RZA will be performing a lot of skits on this album that feature a desk. RZA recently purchased an antique Welsh mahogany writing desk and would like to talk about it as much as possible.

Some examples:

RZA calls out Kanye West for not being strong enough to lift up his antique Welsh mahogany writing desk.

RZA opens up a drawer in his antique Welsh mahogany writing desk and finds an ancient list of secrets, including the location of the Holy Grail, the secret to who's buried in Grant's tomb, and the name of the guy who killed Tupac.

Bill Murray comes to RZA's house in the middle of the night begging to buy the antique Welsh mahogany writing desk.

Additional Essay

Tell us a bit about yourself. What rap skits have you written before? Are you a member of the Wu-Tang Clan that we've somehow forgotten about? We told you this job was non-Wu affiliated, Cappadonna.