I am writing this article with much trepidation. The secrets of magicians are closely guarded – even many fellow magicians aren't quite sure how certain tricks are done, and the penalty for publicly revealing these secrets is severe. “What's the big deal?” I hear you ask. Sure, there may have be books and television specials that claim to reveal magic's biggest secrets. But they are full of lies, carefully crafted to throw would-be magic secret-finders off the scent of magic's real secrets. But I can stand to conceal the truth no longer.

Levitating A Woman

How does that woman float in the air? A harness and nearly invisible wires? No. Look closely. As the magician is getting you to pay attention to the woman with a wave of his right hand, he is carefully channeling all of his psychic energy in his left hand. Fiendish, no? With his left hand completely free to reverse the flow of gravity, the magician slowly and deliberately causes the woman to “float.” Not so much of a trick after all, now that you know the secret.

Sawing A Woman In Half

How does the magician give the appearance of sawing a woman in half? It's not some deftly-made box with hidden compartments, that's for sure. It's not even the magician. Only a select few women, known in the magician community as “Morphers” possess the ability to alter their physical appearance and displace weight into the ether. This unbelievably sexy ability is passed down via the pure blood line of Cain, the first human to be born in the Bible. The “woman” hasn't been sawed in half at all – she's a Morpher who has sent her torso into neitherspace. Simple, yet brutally effective.

The Bullet Catch

Many magicians claim this trick to be the most dangerous of all. Houdini's friends and fellow magicians begged him not to attempt it, fearing for his life. But how is it done? A gimmicked gun? Clever slight of hand? No. Ultra fast healing. The bullet is shot into the magician's open mouth. Then, the magician psycho-kinetically manipulates his white blood cells, activating the body's supernatural ability to restore tissue. The bullet is then spit back up from the throat to the magician's mouth with his exceptional command of his throat muscles. Even the world's most dangerous magic trick can be reduced to just two simple steps.

Making A Giant Object Disappear

Whether it's a super yacht or the Statue of Liberty, magicians have been been making massive objects and landmarks disappear. But how? Watch when the magician places a large sheet over the object. This is no ordinary piece of cloth– it's actually an ancient Babylonian relic infused with the power of the Hebrew god Yahweh. This sheet opens up a portal to the kingdom of Heaven, where the object is temporarily housed and then returned to Earth when the trick is done. The next time you see a magician make something disappear, don't be fooled– you now know how it's done.

Got Your Nose

Many magicians delight young babies by “grabbing” their noses off their faces. These babies cry out in delight, both in wonderment as to how they could lose their nose and in amusement of the silliness of the situation. But what's really going on? Yes, the magician is feigning removing the nose with a simple “thumb between the index and middle finger” sleight, but the next time you see this trick performed, pay close attention to the magician's words. When the magician says, “got your nose!' in a sing-song cadence, that's when the magician is inflicting the baby with a Gaelic curse, dooming him or her to a life of gullibility and poor spatial intelligence. That's why the more the trick is performed, the more the baby believes it. It also explains why humanity is slowly getting dumber and the world is going down the toilet. Not so “tricky” anymore, huh, magicians?