Upon beating the lengthy prologue, you should notice your significant other alone, watching Chopped on Netflix. Ignore him or her and a cutscene will play. After it's done, you'll hear a discontented sigh from your significant other as chef Alex Guarnaschelli finds a contestant's dish to be “unified” and you'll arrive at Chapter 1.

CHAPTER 1:

Chapter 1 begins with an extended tutorial of the open world system, full of various collectables and absent of any human beings to hold and kiss. As Ocelot explains the controls, you can easily mash A and spend the mental energy to talk to your significant other about the perils of making ice cream in the dessert round. After you rescue Kaz, you'll be able to select a series of main missions and side ops. Side ops are optional content that will raise the strength of your mother base and distance yourself emotionally from a human being who loves and adores you, so we recommend doing them between main missions.

There are hundreds of side ops missions with plenty of optional goals for each one. While your significant other takes a hot shower and masturbates to the idea of shower sex you've had long ago, familiarize yourself with the different types of side ops missions.

Extraction: you'll extract a prisoner. Be on the lookout for guards and logical traps your significant other lays like “you spend more time with this video game than you do me,” or “I don't want to fight for your attention anymore.”

Blueprints: you're tasked with recovering blueprints to develop new weapons while simultaneously screaming at your significant other that your personal interests are valid. You'll want to find a guard to interrogate to give you the exact location of the blueprint. The interrogation mechanic is essential to complete this side op as quickly as possible and show your significant other something cool to make them like the game more.

Wandering Soldiers: Occasionally, you'll be tasked with recovering a wandering solider who was part of your Mother Base nine years ago. This is a game of cat and mouse where you'll need to sneak up on the solider and hit him with a headshot form your tranquilizer gun. These missions sound good in theory, but in practice, take too much time and are ultimately unfulfilling, much like your relationship with your significant other.

GENERAL TIPS:

Bring the right equipment for the mission. If the mission has a lot of tanks, bring a missile launcher. If it looks like your significant other is planning on moving out, drag out the process so they'll keep paying rent.

Use your buddy! As the game progresses, you'll get a variety of useful animals, like a horse, a dog, and a woman. Unlike your significant other, they are not allowed to leave you and can never die.

Watch an episode of Chopped. It's a fun show.