by Evan O'Leary-Lee

Love is such an incredibly beautiful and unique phenomenon that every human being should be able to experience; regardless of age, gender, sexuality, race, or ethnicity, except for you. Countless writers and artists have tried for eons to capture love, yet it refuses to be understood in such concrete expressions. Love transcends the very definitions of “feelings” or “emotions”. Love might be the most awe inspiring thing in the universe. Love has the power to bring us together and drive us apart, start wars as well as end them, it is the very fabric of our shared humanity. All people deserve to be in love at least once, whether that be romantically or familiarly, just not you. 

Whenever I think about the incredible rollercoaster of emotions that comprises just a fraction of the experience that is love, I cannot fathom how arrogant you must have to be to think that you will ever get to feel those things. People compare the sensation of love to magic, a force greater than anything else known to mankind, and to think that there isn’t a law preventing your undeserving self from enjoying something so powerful makes me sick to my stomach. You do understand that millions of people have never been able to bask in the glory of love, they’ve been stopped by an untimely death, torn from those that they love by war or famine, or just never met that someone special. These are good people I’m talking about. The only thing sadder than those poor souls who never got the chance to love, is you believing that one day you’ll get to. To be honest, even if we lived in a universe cruel and twisted enough where you did deserve to find love, I don’t even think you are physiologically or mentally capable of giving or receiving such feelings. That fact alone allows me to sleep at night, the knowledge that if there is a god, they have maintained some sense of justice in this world. Let me be clear, you finding love would actually be the worst thing that could possibly happen. Ever. 

I was recently at a wedding between two of my old friends from college, Nancy and Janet. They were gazing into each other’s eyes, about to embark on this crazy, totally unpredictable ride that is life. The ceremony was absolutely gorgeous. It was clear that they had planned every detail meticulously, the floral arrangement, seating, cuisine, all of it was so cohesive and beautiful, yet it failed to capture the raw energy that existed between these two soulmates who were destined to spend the rest of their days together. As they locked lips at the altar, a smile crept across my face, and tears began to roll down my cheeks. All I could think about was that I’d never have to see you in a situation even remotely similar to that one.  

When my father’s health was declining, all of my siblings drove up to Maine to spend the last couple of days together as a family. Early one morning, just as the sun was rising, we were all gathered in his bed room when he motioned for all of us to stand closer to him so he could tell us something. He said, “After your mother passed, I didn’t know how I could go on living without her. But you kids kept me going through it all. The fact that you have all grown up to be such kind and compassionate adults is my greatest accomplishment, and every day I get an immense sense of pride to call you my children. I love you all” and then he peacefully passed away. That moment is one that I will remember for the rest of my life, solely because I have faith that you will never have a moment such as that, in which you are surrounded by loved ones, because no one like that exists.

While the knowledge that you will never feel true heartbreak deeply pains me (you can’t have your heart broken if you don’t have one, you fucking Tin-man) at least everyday you are alive with no chance of ever caring or being cared for by another human being is like a slow heartbreak. A heartbreak drawn out over the course of your shitty, pathetic life. 

Anyways, 

Happy Valentine’s Day, 

Mom xoxo

Evan O’Leary-Lee is currently a freshman at Tulane University. He has studied sketch writing and improv at the Philly Improv Theater.