DO: Know Your Vocab

“Black” “Asian” “Mexican” - these words bring up racial connotations that could potentially make a white liberal person very uncomfortable. If you must refer to members of a non-white race, refer to them as “racial” people. EXAMPLE: “We should get more racial people here so we seem less racist.”

DON'T: Talk About Race

If a racial person brings up race, change the conversation. If you talk about race with a racial person, you could potentially feel embarrassed, and I can't overstate how truly awful that is. EXAMPLE: RACIAL PERSON: “I often don't deal with overt racism, but subtle institutionalized racism that often comes from well-meaning, liberal people.” YOU: “It will rain tomorrow. Or maybe it will hail. Bob Ross is a thing!”

DON'T: Make Eye Contact

If a racial person is talking, don't look them in the eye. Why are you doing that to a racial person? Are you gawking at them like an animal at the zoo? Do you think racial people are animals? I'm horrified and ashamed for you. EXAMPLE: RACIAL PERSON: “Hey Marc.” YOU: *stares off into the distance* Hello.

DO: Look At Them

If a racial person is talking, don't totally avoid looking at him or her, either. Jesus Christ, what are you a racist or something? Look, but don't look look. Your ancestors owned slaves, and you want to remind them of that, because you're cool with that, but not 100% cool. It's awful and endowed you with privilege and we're moving on, but we're also not moving on. EXAMPLE: RACIAL PERSON: “Hey Marc.” YOU: *staring at them* “Oh God,” *looking away* "I have to go.”

DON'T: Have a Facebook account

The awful, racist things that will come out of your mouth on Facebook are inevitable. Don't embarrass yourself – keep your racial opinions locked away inside your heart and mind. EXAMPLE: YOU: “Hello, Facebook. I am deleting this account because I am not a racist. Goodbye.”

DON'T: Have Racial Friends

Having racial friends feels like a thing a non-racist would do, but the potential for humiliation and embarrassment is high. It is impossible to be racist around white, liberal people, so insulate yourself! EXAMPLE: YOU: “I am going golfing tomorrow.”

DO: Hire Racial People

Workplace diversity is extremely important in making white liberal people feel better about themselves. So clap your hands together and hire some racial people to do white liberal jobs! If you are doing the right thing for the wrong reasons with an ass backwards execution, it is still the right thing. And like that racial person movie says, “always do the right thing.” EXAMPLE: “Everyone who I tell how to think, act, write, and speak is racially diverse!”